So I’ve been supposed to make a depression blog for SO LONG, and then it doesn’t happen because, I guess, I’m feeling depressed. I figured I’d get it done on a day when while I wasn’t really feeling fantastic, I also wasn’t feeling depressed, either.

It’s public on the internet but not otherwise public — as in, I’m not linking it to anyone or advertising it — because there is way too much honesty going on here. (Hence the name.) But I promised my therapist I would do it, and private journals don’t hold the same sense of accountability (or the same sense of catharsis) for me. Hosting it on a private server shared by a few people who aren’t going to tell anyone on me makes it a lot neater.

But anyway, I wasn’t really feeling depressed, and then this happened (this is a quoted email I wrote to my mother):

Basically that it went up $10 overall as of April 30, so starting in May I’ll be paying an extra $5.

Uh, Dad said don’t renew the lease until I’ve gotten into a school and he’s aware that might not be possible — we also have the problem where it needs HIS signature within 15 days and we can’t do that either, so I’m going to talk to the office about delaying the lease renewal until the end of the month. We don’t want to lose the apartment because neither of us have ANY interest in moving (I love this apartment and this neighborhood a LOT and I really, really, really don’t want to go anywhere else) but we can’t meet the 15 day deadline with Dad’s signature so we have to go talk to them. 

He told me to not tell them about the school issue, because telling them I will see him at the end of the month and can get his signature then might officially delay it long enough to have heard from [First Choice School], and if I get into FSC the other schools are a non-issue because I am immediately registering with them.

Now I am not exactly a super happy camper.

But at least the blog is done, and in a few minutes I’ll have it looking brightly-colored and happy-place-y, and then unfortunately this is likely to be a mix of a lot of lows and highs and total nonsense posts that are 99% here for me and devoid of background context.

You’ll note, whoever you are, that I never explained the school drama?

I will definitely be happier if I never have to explain it again, too.